We are hereby congratulating all the Black folks in the world who are scheduled to receive their superpowers on this day, Negro Solstice Day. As has been established by the ever knowing, omniscient Black Twitterverse, today is the day that you, a Black person, will receive your superpowers.
Today is the day that you, a Black person, will receive your superpowers.
Whatever your superpowers are, use them wisely. Be a credit to your race. I think WEB DuBois said that. The founder of Black TV Film Crew, Yasmin Shiraz, has searched for her superpowers all day and has not found them. She is frustrated.
She has thought long and hard about what her superpowers should be. She has decided she wants these three superpowers.
Yasmin wants these three superpowers
1. To be able to fly. She’s flown commercial far too long and quite frankly is sick of it. Also, due to COVID-19, she knows you cannot trust airlines to be truthful about taking people’s temperatures or preventing people with COVID-19 from getting on planes. Did you hear about that recent flight were the guy almost died mid-air. He allegedly had COVID and when the plane landed, he died shortly thereafter.
2. To be fast. She wants to be fast like Flash fast. She wants to be able to jet through a WalMart line faster than you can get the W out of your mouth. She wants to be able to run to Burbank when she has to work, without breaking a sweat. She also wants to be able to outrun anyone chasing her. Because people will chase you.
3. To be strong. She wants to be able to move furniture around because she’s found that to be helpful when creating a studio in Los Angeles. And though she wants to be strong, she doesn’t want to look like the Incredible Hulk. No, she wants her same frame with less cellulite.
So, Solstice if you are truly, really about helping us Negroes, please help Yasmin Shiraz who doesn’t move nearly as fast as she wants, and isn’t nearly as strong as she wants and really misses her family on the East Coast.
We would have greatly appreciated the power of the Black Panther.
If this whole Solstice thing was a hoax, well, then damn. We wanted to believe you. We wanted to no longer be ordinary. We know our fearless super writer, Lena Waithe, told us that we already have superpowers. But, we needed some additional ones. We would have greatly appreciated the power of the Black Panther.
Oh well, maybe next time.